Back to School

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School started back up for me today! And I am so thankful. I have missed school. The morning started out rough. I didn’t get much sleep last night and my anxiety had been pretty high lately. I arrived at school early to spend time alone singing in the chapel. It grounds me and helps me to feel calm before I enter class. I made this my spiritual practice once a week last quarter. This quarter it works in my schedule to do twice a week and I am happy! When I left the chapel and headed downstairs to class I saw my friends and immediately felt alive again! I love my classmates! They make me happy and are a confirmation that I am in the right place.

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Class was great and boy did it stimulate my mind and my heart! After class I attended chapel. The first part of chapel we meditated to Christmas music! It was wonderful! And the sermon was beautiful. The preacher shared a story about a time in his life where he was so busy looking to heaven for help that he could not see that God was sending him help in the form of people here on earth. I was very moved by it. I think I often fall into the same thing. I am so busy watching Heaven for a miracle that I do not see the miracle Heavenly Father sends to me here on earth.

After school Huck and I went for a walk on the trail behind my home. I am so blessed to live in such a beautiful place!

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Glory be to God!

Banning Lazy

I forgive myself for buying into the notion that I am… lazy.  I hate that word. Lazy. There is so much shame attached to it. It is ugly. It doesn’t feel good. Years ago I gave up the word “fat.” I don’t use it any more. Ever. Only in terms of “I am cutting the fat off this meat” kind of thing. Fat. I don’t like that word. There are so many negative connotations to it. So I stopped using it. I have decided to do the same thing with “lazy.” Gone. Its out of here! No more!

Because I am not lazy. I work long and I work hard. And it is ok that my work does not look the same as yours. I also take time to care for myself. I unwind. I take naps. I spend hours NOT multitasking. I play. And maybe you don’t take time to do those things and that is okay. We don’t need to be the same. But that does not mean I am lazy.

And AND Guess what else??!! You are not lazy either!

I am banning “lazy!” Who is with me?? xoxo

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u_yi9axVRM]

The Hurting Place

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In Elaine Marshall’s talk Learning The Healer’s Art, she shares this story:

“My mother once told me of an experience she had one winter morning as she drove down to check the cattle in the lower pasture. She noticed a car off the side of the road. Inside she recognized a young mother and three children. When my mother asked if they needed help, the woman tearfully reminded her that this was the place of the accident two weeks earlier that had killed her husband. She answered, ‘We are just here to feel the hurt.'”

This story has always stuck with me and so a few months ago I chose a place to go to “feel the hurt.”

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This is it. It is a lovely little memorial near my home to honor veterans of all the branches of the military. I come here often. I pray and I ponder. I sit and I cry. A few times the hurt was so overwhelming that I have fallen to my knees and weeped that loud, painful cry that comes from the center of the soul. I like it here. To me it is peaceful. It is safe.

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“Healing is active—you have to be there. Your friend or your husband or wife or your mother cannot do it for you. You have to face the problem and the pain. To begin healing, you must acknowledge and feel the hurt. Only those who don’t feel, those without conscience, cannot heal.”

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“I assumed cure, care, and healing to be synonymous. I have learned they are not the same. Healing is not cure. Cure is clean, quick, and done—often under anesthesia. The antibiotic kills the pathogen; the scalpel cuts out the malignancy; the medication resolves the distorted chemistry. Healing, however, is often a lifelong process of recovery and growth in spite of, maybe because of, enduring physical, emotional, or spiritual assault. It requires time. We may pray for cure when we really need healing. Whether for cell reconstruction, for nerve and muscle rehabilitation, for emotional recovery, or for spiritual forgiveness, healing needs work and time and energy. Healing cannot happen in a surgical suite where the pain is only a sleepy memory. Cure is passive, as you submit your body to the practitioner. Healing is active. It requires all the energy of your entire being. You have to be there, fully awake, aware, and participating when it happens.”

Dear Veterans, thank you. I cannot even begin to understand the many sacrifices you have made to serve our country. I respect you. I honor you. I love you. Thank you. I want to be here for you. I will be your Brotherhood.

Below is a great video about the importance of and how to ask Veterans about their service. Please take the time to watch. And more importantly, take the time to be there. Keep kind and carry on. xoxo

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P04stEjJ9E]

If you struggle with PTSD please scroll up to the top of the page and click “Find Help Here.”

It Can Happen

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“Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.” –Steel Magnolias

Some moments my healing comes through tears and others through my laughter. Some moments my healing comes through cursing. Healing is hardly ever pretty. Healing is messy and often unpredictable. But healing is also divine. And in its own way, a precious miracle. Heavenly Healing provides restoration and a renewal of the heart, a lifting of the soul. Heavenly healing is a gift through the grace of God and a fruit of the Atonement of Christ. I cannot tell you how long your healing will take or what it will look like. What I can tell you is that it can happen. Healing happens. Healing is real because Christ is real. Because He lives. And not only does He live but He loves. The love of Christ is big. It is perfect and perfecting. Christ’s love offers restoration, redemption and renewal to the wounded soul.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S3TI4bYerU]