First Published on Into Heartbreak and Back on January 16, 2014
In the beginning I was beautiful. You told me I was beautiful. That I had a great body. That I was your weakness. That you had a hard time being near me because all you could think about was seducing me. You told me I was smart, more intelligent than most. That you loved spending time with me, talking with me because I could keep up with your your ramblings. You loved that I asked questions when I didn’t know or understand what you were talking about. You would carry me to bed. You would hold me in your arms while I slept. You would freak out when you thought I was leaving…but I was only going to the bathroom. You always texted me to make sure I made it home safely. You would dislike people who made me feel less than I am. You would become frustrated when I let people take advantage of me. You aways talked about how special I was. How I am everything any man would want. You couldn’t believe that I hadn’t dated more. That I didn’t get much attention from guys. You always wanted to know what was going on in my head, what I was feeling. You wanted to help me in every way possible. You supported my dreams and believed that I could achieve them. You helped me find ways to achieve them.
By the end I was stupid. I was lazy and entitled. I was the most annoying girl. The whiniest girl ever. And that is why no one wants me. That once you got to know me you haven’t liked me. You told me that I had a choice to make. If I didn’t change you would never speak to me again.
A while back I came across this blog post about my friend, Grief. It is titled In Between Grieving and Acceptance. The stories and thoughts she shared touched me when I read it then and again today. I too, have felt the loss of a dream. But this past Saturday I was given a little reminder that maybe that dream isn’t as lost as I feel it is. Maybe my dream still lives on. Maybe my dream just looks a little different.
I ran my first race! It was pretty epic, for me. I ran the Wounded Warriors Project 8k. You are still able to donate to the cause HERE. Anyway, I saw someone that looked so similar to Lord V. Mannerisms and everything. Of course I couldn’t help myself and I approached the man. They even have similar names! Really Universe??!! Really?!? Well, it kind of made me crazy and pissed me off. Here is the awesome part: God has blessed this world with more men that look like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. What a beautiful thing. Seriously, I am crying. Although I think it would be kind-of creepy if I ended up with a man that looks like him…but isn’t him. But thank you. Thank you God for mountain men with crazy long hair and full-on beard. Lovely.