WTF

First Published on Into Heartbreak and Back on January 16, 2014

In the beginning I was beautiful.  You told me I was beautiful.   That I had a great body.  That I was your weakness. That you had a hard time being near me because all you could think about was seducing me.  You told me I was smart, more intelligent than most.  That you loved spending time with me, talking with me because I could keep up with your your ramblings.  You loved that I asked questions when I didn’t know or understand what you were talking about.  You would carry me to bed.  You would hold me in your arms while I slept.  You would freak out when you thought I was leaving…but I was only going to the bathroom. You always texted me to make sure I made it home safely.  You would dislike people who made me feel less than I am.  You would become frustrated when I let people take advantage of me.  You aways talked about how special I was.  How I am everything any man would want.  You couldn’t believe that I hadn’t dated more.  That I didn’t get much attention from guys.  You always wanted to know what was going on in my head, what I was feeling.  You wanted to help me in every way possible.  You supported my dreams and believed that I could achieve them.  You helped me find ways to achieve them.

By the end I was stupid.  I was lazy and entitled.  I was the most annoying girl.  The whiniest girl ever.  And that is why no one wants me.  That once you got to know me you haven’t liked me.  You told me that I had a choice to make.  If I didn’t change you would never speak to me again.

Its been two weeks and you have kept your word.

Banning Lazy

I forgive myself for buying into the notion that I am… lazy.  I hate that word. Lazy. There is so much shame attached to it. It is ugly. It doesn’t feel good. Years ago I gave up the word “fat.” I don’t use it any more. Ever. Only in terms of “I am cutting the fat off this meat” kind of thing. Fat. I don’t like that word. There are so many negative connotations to it. So I stopped using it. I have decided to do the same thing with “lazy.” Gone. Its out of here! No more!

Because I am not lazy. I work long and I work hard. And it is ok that my work does not look the same as yours. I also take time to care for myself. I unwind. I take naps. I spend hours NOT multitasking. I play. And maybe you don’t take time to do those things and that is okay. We don’t need to be the same. But that does not mean I am lazy.

And AND Guess what else??!! You are not lazy either!

I am banning “lazy!” Who is with me?? xoxo