First Published on Into Heartbreak and Back on January 16, 2014
And I miss you. I hate not texting you or hearing from you throughout the day. I miss your voice and your sweet eyes. I miss your puns and your silly jokes. I miss your rantings and the way your thoughts connect and lead into the next. I like your random facts and the way you would patiently explain things to me. I miss being in your presence. From the first time I felt just a calmness in my soul that I had never felt before. I felt safe. Safe to be alone with you. Safe to be vulnerable. Freedom to be me and every side of me. You used to be my war council. I hate that you can no longer be that person to me. I hate that I no longer feel safe. I hate that I became so afraid to buy bread at the store for fear I would buy the wrong one. That’s not right. That is not healthy.
And I hate me for missing you. You hurt me and I miss you. I hate that you don’t love me. That you don’t think about me. That you could so easily stop talking to me. And I miss you.
I am a mess. I am such a mess. And you are right, nobody wants that.