The City Inside of Me

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So yesterday I shared a link to this new blog of mine on Facebook.  I felt ok.  I felt pretty good.  Until about 2am.  I woke up and was having none of it.  I just couldn’t do it.  I took the link down.  I have no idea what is up with me.  I’m just feeling so confused.  I feel such a pull to share certain parts of my story with the world.  I have prayed about it and felt peace.  But on the other hand, I don’t want anyone to know some of the hard things I have been through.  The hard things are important to me. I hold them close.

Over the past year everything about myself have been picked away, tossed about and left damaged.  I am still lifting the pieces of my confidence and self worth.  The reconstruction of this beautiful city called my soul is slow and filled with many setbacks and delays.  What has been rebuilt is very fragile.  I know that sharing my story has the power to make me stronger. But it also leaves me vulnerable to more hurt.  So please, be gentle with me.

I watched this video with my kids this morning.  It touched my heart and I cried.  I have been doing a lot of running.  Here are some recent pictures I have taken on my runs.  I couldn’t help myself.  So beautiful.  A friend of mine asked me about a week ago, where/when do I feel the most peace?  I have been pondering on this.  One answer is when I am running outdoors.  Being outside in the midst of God’s creations always helps me to feel peace.  So does pushing my body and making it stronger.  My body is a gift Heavenly Father has given me.  I love the feeling that resides when I am doing my best to care for it.

“I think He knew that life would be really hard sometimes, so He made a beautiful world to help make us happy.”

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