First Published on Into Heartbreak and Back on June 5, 2014
I am sad. For days now. Just so very sad. And so tired. I could sleep for days. I think I need to. I think it would help. My emotions are in my throat at all times. Most of the time they surface while driving in my car. I weep as if someone has died. You know that cry. You know that sound. Maybe you have made it yourself. It is a cry that is different from the rest. It is scary. It is alarming. It comes in waves. It stays true to its course, this emotion. But when it is over it gently rolls out to sea leaving… not happiness… not joy… but some kind of peace and always, always a measure of gratitude. Because in the middle of my hidden sorrows I find Jesus. During the storm there is nothing else to hang on to. No one else there.
Elaine Marshall said, “secret healing is not a single event. It happens as a process of living. You cannot simply take off a day or start tomorrow like a new diet and returned healed. IT HAPPENS QUIETLY WHILE YOU FACE THE PAIN. It happens over time as you live, work, study and give to others.”
As of now I cannot imagine a day when I am healed. What will that day look like? How will I feel? I feel like I have lived in this for so long now but I am ready to live without it,
“Master, with anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today. The depths of my sad heart are troubled. Oh, waken and save, I pray!” -Master the Tempest is Raging, Mary Ann Baker