First Published on Into Heartbreak and Back on January 30, 2014
Someone posted this as their status on good ole’ Facebook:
“Do you want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed [Christian]. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way ‘never faileth.'”
— Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Reading this triggered a lot of emotions in me…. mainly upsetness. The first 25 times I read this -my mind concluded either the statement is false or I am not a good enough disciple of Christ.
I have never felt like I have followed Christ more in any area of my life, including my mission, than in my relationship with He-who-must-not-be-named. Not that I have been perfect. I have been very imperfect. I know I have said and done the wrong things. But more than ever in my life I have strived to listen and follow Jesus Christ. So…. this statement must be false or I am just not good enough.
But then I read this scripture:
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.” Psalms 84:11
And this scripture:
“Therefore, continue your journey and let your hearts rejoice; for behold, and lo, I am with you even unto the end.” Doctrine and Covenants 100:12
In this very moment I am choosing to believe that hope will return and all will be made right.
I am also giving myself permission to question and doubt without shame. To give myself room to feel what I feel and then move on to the next feeling. Because emotions do not last, they come and go. And to show myself grace….