Not Going

First Published on Into Heartbreak and Back on January 27, 2014

Clarity gives me compassion.  When you say mean, rude, heartbreaking things to me…. it is not about me.  Knowing this does not make your treatment to me right in any way.  But it is not about me.  Sometimes I just need to remind myself that this is not core He-who-shall-not-be-named.  It is broken He-who-shall-not-be-named and I cannot trust brokenness.  Somehow I have become a trigger to you.  And right now I am ok with that.  I believe that God will work it to both of our good.  You cannot handle that I care.  It makes you feel and right now you do not know how to deal with feeling.  You haven’t felt in years because you had to turn it off.  I understand that.  That is what you had to do.  But today is different.  Feeling is now a part of your healing.  I am not sorry for making you feel.  I know you do not want me to love you.  That you don’t feel that you deserve it on so many levels.  I am not going to try to make you accept my love.  That is not possible, but at the same time my love is not going to change.  It is unconditional.  Even if we never become anything.  Even if we are never friends… this love that I have for you… It will always be there for you.  It is not going anywhere.  I am not going anywhere.

IMG_1402See this face? Not going anywhere.


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